Fed up! That is me right this very second. I am having one of those cry at the drop of a hat days and I just cannot seem to shift it. So why am I feeling so darn shit?
It is a little mixture of everything today really. My health issues seem to be getting no where, after various appointments, pokes prods and scans there is still no answer as to why I have had so many health concerns lately. Maybe it’s all in my head who knows but deep down I know something isn’t right. I do not feel good at all today. I ache; my body feels like I have had a tonne of liquid concrete poured all over me and it’s slowly setting, making moving around practically impossible. I struggle to breath just sitting down and the pain around my liver is immense. Seriously do not know how long I can deal with feeling so crap all the time.
PMT! I wrote another post about PMT a few days ago. Today is one of those PMT moments. I feel so emotional. My period is due this weekend so I can see why I am feeling a little bit fed up right now. Dealing with so many emotions in one go can be such hard work, sometimes I find it difficult to deal with so I don’t know how the people around me cope.
Work! Oh boy how I hate work. I don’t mean just dislike, I mean hate! Hate is such a strong word but right now is a time to use it when talking about work. Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful to have a job and goodish paid one at that, but I am miserable. I really do not like been cooped up behind a desk day in day out. I also do not feel it’s right for me. I don’t belong there and I don’t feel like I belong either, I do not feel accepted or I am around my kind of people. I am just a number in a number game to them. I feel stuck though. It’s not easy finding a job in this day and age and I have no qualifications so feel I cannot go anywhere fast. I would love to study again and actually go places and do things I would love to do; working full time makes this near on impossible it feels. I need the money from the job but also I want to be free of it.
Anxious! I feel increasingly anxious lately. I do not feel set at the moment, I do not feel I have proper routine or organisation in life and that gets me down. By the time I have drove an hour from work to get home I feel so tired and run down all I want to do is lie in bed and do nothing. I haven’t even been motivated to read or scrapbook lately and that’s not me at all. I just don’t feel settled right now. I feel sad because at 26 years old I am not where I pictured myself to be. All the people I went to school with are going places, good jobs house marriage and family. Here is me 26, no qualifications, stuck in a job that makes me miserable, countless health concerns and living at home with the folks.
I certainly feel stuck right now. So stuck I do not know how to get myself out of this hole of lacking motivation in which I seem to not be able to climb out of. How do I get to where I want to in life? How do I juggle so many things? How do I take that leap into happiness and a life in which I want?